Uphill.

I glance up, fixing my eyes on his figure scaling the steep incline, like it was merely a mound. His daughter strapped to his back, snuggled close feeling the beat of his strong legs on the trail. She sighs contentedly and moves her fist up to stroke his neck. She’s entranced by the shades of green and brown flashing across her eyes; rocks, trees & cliff faces greet her warmly. The safety of her Dad fills her with glassy-eyed peace.

My legs are burning and I start to think back to my natural reaction to uphill hiking at elevation. When I first started hiking here, I would loath every uphill step and feel defeated after barely exerting myself. I hadn’t ever experienced the true joy of working hard physically to achieve a tangible purpose. Over time, I’ve evolved. Every fourteener has stretched me, almost broken me, yet left me ecstatic, inspired and dreaming of more.

It’s almost been three months since we sold most of our possessions, kissed our closest goodbye and left for our other home on the other side of the world. It’s been one of the most peaceful, unsettling, joyful, yet freaky times in my life. Daily I feel opposite emotions all at once, and wonder what on earth is wrong with me.

Yesterday, we set up our little home in the basement of my inlaws. Before, we were living between two rooms with a bathroom, and things just did not feel organised or homey. Not our home anyway. I felt all over the place, disconnected and like I didn’t have space to myself. As much as I love living here on the edge of State Forest, with mountains everywhere, I was still feeling really overwhelmed and always in someone else’s space.  

Now, we have what feels like a two bedroom apartment all to ourselves! I’m sitting on my bed that faces a mountain and so many trees watching Hunter tidy the front so we can sit on our cement deck and drink coffee in the mornings. Naturally, Sierra is running around at his feet, chatting away. Sierra has her own room again, and we have our own living room! As much as I would love to live in a home we own, I’m so thankful to have family who love having us close that they don’t see our presence as an imposition, but a pure joy. For now, this is own home and I am choosing to be content.

These last three months have taught me many things;

Firstly, the only way to build strong community is to be bold, vulnerable and persistent. People are rarely what they choose to show you, and often what you find after persevering is that they’re better than they think. So, I’m doing my best to not judge people on face value. Likewise, I pray that people will take the time to invest in me and learn who I really am, the muck and all.

Secondly, that the beat of my feet on the trail is simply a metaphor for walking closely with the Lord. I rarely want to get out and hike. I will do so many other things to distract my mind from what I know needs to happen. When I finally do, it takes time, but I start to feel peace wash over me and my mind starts to process and allow space for other thoughts. It’s the same with spending time with Jesus.

One of the most important things I’m learning is that life is easily enjoyed if you’re not wondering what others think of you. The days when I feel the most overwhelmed and fearful are the days I’ve let myself ponder what others may think of us, or when I’ve allowed comments from other people to hang in my heart. It seems like a crazy thing to uproot ourselves and move to the other side of the world without enough money to buy a place to settle.

Yet, it has, the whole way, felt so right. I am confident in my God’s ability to provide for us. I am confident in Hunter’s ability to work hard, dream big and make them happen. I am confident in our ability to thrive as a TEAM.

And so, living here has been like scaling a mountain;

I begin, I hurt, I rejoice, I complain, I despair, I persist, I smile; I will keep moving forward.

Happy trails!

H x